Recondite Consciousness

Recondite, pertaining to or dealing with very profound, difficult, or abstruse subject matter; known and understood by relatively few, the time has come, for our own personal security, to understand our consciousness. We are the victims of our own ignorance of our consciousness.

Fear is the natural state of animals, not humans. Fear comes and goes in animals. In humans, fear is unnaturally permanent. Faith in self is the remedy. Our birthright is an independent self. Peace is the result. Authority sets a desirable end and unnaturally-through fear of going to hell or retaliation-attempts to force all the pieces to fit. The result is war.

"Love is merely the acceptance of yourself and others as they are. . . and what is it to feel the freedom; yet to continue with the Birth-Plan as an intrinsic player also in the game," writes Maurylee, my latest Zaadz friend. At http://maurylee.googlepages.com/home  he gives you Universal truth. In fact, I'm his only Zaadz friend. He was sent to me because we're on the same wave length. We need only to get in touch with our own inner authority. Another recent friend, "cb,"is a creative type. His interests are in the arts, music, photography. Maurylee is interested in mysticism and gurus. Man has always had an awareness of something more. I'm aware of much more, having become contemplative in my old age.

We have a choice. We were created with a kind of intelligence animals don't possess. And what have the authorities done to us? We do things animals would never do. Why? Because we are demon possessed? I don't think so. Why, I'm old Satan himself. I've been told that. A lady told me that God never speaks to psychics. A Catholic told me that a fourth of the world's population can't be wrong about God. The Pope says if you aren't his idea of God, God doesn't know you. We let authorities do our thinking. We're like animals in a three ring circus. How dumb can we get? Rather than by animal instinct, man knows by intuition. It sets us apart from the animal world.

In my life, I've made three significant departures, the first, the most significant. I went to sea on a sailboat I named Bold Venture.

Cold Memory's hand restore

Your morning light, your evening rays,

From Time's grey urn once more;

Then might this restless heart be still,

The straining eyes might close.

And Hope her fainting pinions fold,

While the fair phantoms rose.

But, like a child in ocean's arms,

We strive against the stream

Each moment farther from the shore,

Where life's young fountains gleam;

Each moment fainter wave the fields,

And wider rolls the sea,

The mist grows dark-the sun goes down-

Day breaks-and where are we?

-Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes

How very sad the way we see things! Where was I? Where was I going? Nothing but the wind, the sea, and a billion stars from horizon to horizon to guide me, yet I was not alone. I was aware of something new, something of my precious own no one else could know, no one could take. It was there that I found the real me, life never again a drag. Oh, happy day! I've never since lost my zest for living.

My reconstituted self found the mate made for me. But I was restless. The fragments of my old self I discarded that I might be free were still there waiting for the chance to come together and possess me. It was emotion that tugged at me to return to the sea. All it took was one bad scene to set the wheels in motion. The sea, the womb of my rebirth, called me back. Came my second departure, this time with my mate.

We ran aground in the Caribbean and remained in West Palm Beach, Florida 18 long years trying to recoup what I'd lost. We were looking at poverty and ill health when I finally caved in and starting thinking about a way out. We boarded a jetliner for a one-way flight to Portland, Oregon, square one, on April Fool's Day 1999, and remained two weeks, just long enough to purchase our RV. We hit the road and became rootless floaters enjoying life to the fullest. Karen cancer is gone. She is in remission. My heart condition is gone. My doctor had told me I was a candidate for open heart surgery.

During my third departure, we traveled two years and then found a place we could call home in Shady Cove, Oregon. Karen had a job working part time in the office of our RV park. With nothing better to do with my time, I started writing my memoirs and self published two years later. I gave copies to family and friends. The message was loud and clear. Not one comment. My book was a flop. But that didn't stop me. I continued writing my thoughts every morning.

We remained in the Shady Cove area 6 years. Last August Karen discovered Big Valley Woods near Portland, where Karen's family live. We're parked in the tall timber in the shadow of Mt. Hood. In early November, Karen remarked that she hated to think about living the rest of our lives in our RV. Big Valley Woods is largely a unique manufactured home park. Karen wanted a home in the park. There wasn't a chance in my mind. But scarcely had Karen uttered the words than we received notice that I'd been approved on my application I filed with the VA in July 2006 for disability by reason the I'm unemployable from a WWII related injury.

Karen's in charge. We're living a charmed life. And from experience-from my third departure-I know what it takes. Karen, in spite of the odds against it, believed she would have her wish. The monthly amount of my VA pay is retroactive back to August 2006. Karen will get her home in the park. She deserves it for sticking with a nutcake like me.

Nothing came of writing my thoughts until I joined Zaadz. I was drawn by that part of us we need to know. People are drawn to me. It turns out that we are all on the same wave length. Knowing it, who needs authority? The day is coming when authority will be functionary, serving our needs. My latest friend, Maurylee says, "To be is not the question. We already are." So, think about that wonderful day when we, individually, will be in control of our lives and live together in peace and act accordingly. It will come to pass.